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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22621309">tic and shout</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamsstanheight/pseuds/adamsstanheight'>adamsstanheight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Saw (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU: Adam survives, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Lawrence isn't an apprentice, M/M, Tourette's Syndrome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:28:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22621309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamsstanheight/pseuds/adamsstanheight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>adam's struggled with tourette's syndrome since he was a kid. he should be used to it. but it's hard to shake the doubt that comes along with telling someone new.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tic and shout</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi so this was written by me an actual person with tourette's syndrome, i share many of my tics with adam including coprolalia and copropraxia</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A twitch there, a yell there. Since he was 12, these movements and noises had been a permanent fixture of Adam’s everyday life. Well, not every single day. Tourette’s syndrome waxed and waned, and sometimes Adam would be treated to a month, or maybe longer if he was lucky, without the constant itch in his body that signalled him to jerk his arm or shout something rude. But that time would inevitably come to an end and he would be back to twitching, jerking, swearing, giving the finger all against his will.</p><p>When Adam had been taken by Jigsaw, he was in a waning period of his tics. He still was blinking excessively, and occasionally twitching his nose, but overall his tics weren’t bothering him. At the time he’d been too preoccupied to even think about them, but when he was recovering in hospital and he felt the itch behind his eyes, he was suddenly overwhelmed with relief that he hadn’t been jerking and yelling alongside all the other shit he’d had to deal with in the bathroom. It was bad enough being locked in there, he didn’t need his leg being bruised or even broken from ticcing too violently.</p><p>After Adam had left the hospital he’d spent weeks in, and after talking with Lawrence, the first place he went was the latter's new apartment. Adam didn’t feel even close to being ready to go back to his apartment, the place that he was now so afraid of. He just couldn’t go back.</p><p>So Adam found himself, only a day after leaving the hospital, snuggled up on Lawrence’s couch with the older man’s arm around him. It would be perfect. If it wasn’t for the persistent tickle in Adam’s shoulders and throat. He wanted to jerk, to yell, but he couldn’t let himself around Lawrence, who didn’t even know he had Tourette’s syndrome. Adam knew that he should tell Lawrence, that Lawrence was a doctor and so would obviously understand Adam’s inability to control his limbs and vocalizations.</p><p>“You alright, Adam?” Lawrence suddenly asked, snapping Adam out of his thoughts.</p><p>Adam blinked a few times, and nodded. He must’ve been fidgeting and ticcing while he was absorbed in his thoughts. He felt so uncomfortable and was tensing his shoulders to hold in the tics.</p><p>“Yeah, just need the bathroom” Adam mumbled, standing up and rushing to the bathroom.</p><p>He closed and locked the door, and sighed in relief as he finally let his body tic. He couldn’t vocalize, not with Lawrence within earshot, but he could jerk his arms and gesture crudely to his heart’s content. Adam at last felt some relief as he flipped the bird, shook his hands all around, and jolted his head up and down and side to side. God, it felt so good to let go and tic. Holding tics in felt like holding a sneeze in. Technically possible, but difficult and painful.</p><p>Adam ticced around in the bathroom for a lot longer than he was planning, and he was finally jolted out of his bliss by a knock on the door.</p><p>“Adam? Are you okay in there?” Lawrence’s voice came through the wood.</p><p>“Uh, yeah! Sorry, I’ll be right out” Adam said quickly, flushing the toilet and running the tap before stepping out with a sheepish smile.</p><p>Lawrence smiled, and the two men went and sat back down on the couch, watching the TV. For a little while, thanks to his episode in the bathroom, Adam could relax without being bothered by the itch. But soon enough, the itch built again and Adam could feel his shoulders tense and spasm.</p><p>“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Lawrence asked gently. “You’re shaking. Is it me?” He asked, removing his arm from around Adam’s shoulders, concerned that he was making the young man uncomfortable.</p><p>“No! No, it’s just…” Adam trailed off, the words catching in his throat. He sighed and hid his face in his hands. “I’m… I have… there’s something wrong with me” He finally mumbled as he took his hands away from his eyes.</p><p>“What is it? Are you hurt?” Lawrence asked, putting his arm back around Adam and pulling him a little close, closer perhaps than friends should be.</p><p>“No… ah fuck, Lawrence, I have Tourette’s” Adam finally blurted out, turning red and ducking his head away.</p><p>There was a long pause, during which Adam wanted to shrivel up and die. His hands twitched and he felt tears of shame rising in his eyes, which he blinked away rapidly. He suddenly got up to leave, but Lawrence gently took hold of his arm.</p><p>“Hey. Hey, Adam, it’s okay” Lawrence said softly, pulling him back to sit on the couch. “It’s okay. I understand.”</p><p>Those four words made the tears rise again, and Adam angrily swiped them away. “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I j-just… I didn’t know how and I d-didn’t want you to know that I’m like this.”</p><p>As he spoke, Adam’s shoulder and head jerked up and down and side to side, as the emotional turmoil worsened his tics and made them harder to control. This only made him more upset as he struggled to feel in control, creating the ever-familiar vicious cycle. Lawrence didn’t laugh or even comment though, and just let Adam stutter his words out as his body twitched.</p><p>“I-I’m just embarassed that I can’t control how my stupid fucking- fuck you, fuck!” Adam ticced mid-sentence and took a deep breath before speaking again. “Can’t control myself even around you…”</p><p>He stopped, and Lawrence took the opportunity to reach over and take Adam’s hand. “Adam, I really do understand. I know what Tourette’s is, and I understand why you do what you do. Don’t ever feel you need to hide it around me. You can tic to your body’s content. It doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>Adam looked down at Lawrence’s hand in his, and gently squeezed it in return. It felt so good, so calming to be touching Lawrence like this. Like he’d wanted to since he’d first laid eyes on the man.</p><p>“Larry… I don’t even know what to say, man” Adam mumbled. “Not many people have been cool with it… like Scott was chill and my brother got used to it but everyone else...” He trailed off, getting upset.</p><p>Lawrence offered a sympathetic smile, and stroked Adam’s hand with his thumb. “I’m sorry people didn’t understand, didn’t appreciate you for who you are. All of you is worth celebrating” He murmured, and when Adam seemed to lean into the touch, Lawrence reached over with his other hand and gently cupped Adam’s cheek. “Is this okay?”</p><p>Adam gulped, and he squeezed his eyes shut several times and twitched his nose. “Mhmm. Yeah” He whispered.</p><p>Fuck, was this really happening? Lawrence was close, touching his hand and face like Adam had dreamed about from the first photo. Adam leant closer, tentatively, but didn’t move any further. Suddenly, he felt an itch build in his throat, and he pulled back and coughed before bursting into a long string of expletives. Lawrence didn’t move or even laugh, just held Adam’s hand while he ticced explosively. When Adam was done, Lawrence’s hand was back on the younger man’s cheek, stroking gently.</p><p>“Feel better now you can do it?” Lawrence asked.</p><p>Adam nodded. “Yeah. Feels way better than holding it in” He admitted, leaning into Lawrence’s touch. “Larry, I… it feels good. This…”</p><p>Lawrence smiled again, and pulled the other man a little closer. “Then… Can I kiss you?” He asked, pink dusting his cheeks.</p><p>Adam’s eyes went wide and he jerked his shoulder before nodding vigorously. “Yeah… yeah, please” He whispered.</p><p>Lawrence grinned, and then pulled Adam close to press their lips together. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed and he leaned in, moving his lips with Lawrence’s. Lawrence moved his hand from Adam’s to cup the other side of his face, cradling him tenderly as they kissed. When they finally broke apart, Adam couldn’t stop a giggle tic, and his shoulders twitched excitedly.</p><p>“Sorry, I just… when I get excited I tic more” He explained, shaking his hands and scrunching his nose.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s kinda cute honestly” Lawrence teased, patting the side of Adam’s face. “Never feel like you have to hide your tics around me. No matter what they are, alright? Promise?”</p><p>Adam grinned, and his arm suddenly jerked forward to tap Lawrence’s shoulder. “Sorry. Tic. Yeah, I promise” He agreed, shrugging his shoulders and blinking hard again.</p><p>Lawrence smiled and ruffled Adam’s hair. “Good. Now, you want a cup of coffee? We’ve had a big talk, I think.”</p><p>Adam nodded, and let himself twitch and spasm as much as his body needed him to, while Lawrence stood to make the two of them a cup of coffee. It felt good, and Adam finally felt at peace with his tics now he had someone who fully accepted him, Tourette’s and all.</p><p>
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